“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 ESV
I wrote last Friday about a text I had no memory of seeing or hearing prior to last week. It’s found in Deuteronomy 24:5.
When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife (or to make happy his wife) whom he has taken. - English Standard Version
His whole purpose of being home for one year was to make his wife happy! Can you imagine? They would no doubt learn to speak each other’s love language.
When a man takes a new wife, he is not to go out with the army or be given any business or work duties. He gets one year off simply to be at home making his wife happy. - The Message Version
There’s an old saying that goes “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. I have never been a big fan of that saying because it sounds a bit selfish; a bit one-sided, but there is something to be said about it. I suppose if a husband has one year to stay at home and grow his relationship with his wife, it had to be beneficial for both of them.
My wedding gift to my son and new daughter-in-law was the Book “The 5 Love Languages; The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman. If couples don’t take the time to get to know each other, and that includes speaking, at least occasionally, each other’s love language, the marriage will more than likely be a struggle.
Communication is key in any relationship and love-language is critical to a happy marriage. In fact, I would liken it to a marriage where the husband only speaks Spanish, and the wife only speaks Greek. They could co-exist, perhaps even peacefully, but they would never truly understand one another. It is critical to learn to speak each other’s language.
“There's all sorts of antiquated marriage advice out there, but it turns out that there's one relationship trope that actually holds true: "Happy wife, happy life."
“A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that men who are unhappily married may still be happy with their lives overall -- as long as their wives are satisfied with their marriages.
"A wife's happiness in the marriage has the power to overtake a husband's marital unhappiness to make his overall life quite pleasant," Deborah Carr, professor of sociology at Rutgers University and co-author of the study, told The Huffington Post. "That was the finding that makes people say, 'Happy wife, happy life.' But it cuts the other way, 'Miserable wife, miserable life.'" (Source: huffpost dot com)
Happy wife, happy life. Ok. But what about the husband. Obviously the marriage is not going to work if you have an unhappy husband.
Many women (and men) struggle with work, taking care of kids and their sports activities and school functions, cleaning the house…endless chores, bills that need paid, and duties that never seem to end. (that’s because they don’t).
I remember what it was like. By the time I was done taking care of our household chores and the children’s daily needs, it was easy to forget that my husband needed me as well.
The most important thing we can do for our marriage, or frankly any relationship, is to learn to speak his or her language.
According to Gary Chapman there are only 5, it should not be too difficult to determine which one you need to learn. And I say “learn”, because maybe that particular language is not your language, and you cannot speak that language. You learn.
#1 Words of affirmation
#2 Quality time
#3 Receiving gifts
#4 Acts of service
#5 Physical touch
I took the test just for fun this morning at 5lovelanguages dot com. This is what I discovered: I speak several languages ;0)
Acts of Service 37%
Quality Time 30%
Physical Touch 20%
Words of Affirmation 7%
Receiving Gifts 7%.
Acts of Service: Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them, tells speakers of this language, their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.
Quality Time: In Quality Time™, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.
Physical Touch: A person whose primary language is Physical Touch™ is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.
Words of Affirmation: Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.
Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for you. (Source: 5lovelanguages.com)
When we learn to speak each other’s language, relationships thrive. But regardless, let’s commit to love. If we show each other love and respect, the other usually falls into place.
1 Corinthians 16:14 tells us, “Let all that. You do be done in love.” That’s great advice.
by Jeanette Stark – Monday, June 12, 2023
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